A few weeks ago I shared on Instagram that I’ve picked up my yoga practice, after a several year hiatus. I’ve done yoga off and on for nearly a decade, but it’s been four years or so since I really practiced regularly. So for the past two weeks I’ve committed to doing a Yoga With Adrienne video after work.

The first practice back on the mat was hard. I wanted to cry because I felt so weak and heavy at the same time. But by the end of the practice my mind felt clearer, like someone came in and cleaned out the cobwebs. All the problems I had brought with me to the mat felt lighter and more manageable.

Yoga is magical like that.

As I like to keep things real around here, I feel compelled to share that I am not a yogi. I have never enjoyed exercise, formal or otherwise. As a kid, I would be the first one to tap out during a game of tag at recess. I only started exercising as an adult because I wanted to lose weight (thank you diet culture). Physical activity was just another chore on my to-do list. Something to be checked off and never truly enjoyed.

Even though regular exercise had a profound effect on my mental health, I would get frustrated when the scale didn’t budge. That frustration would turn to anger and then sadness and any exercise routine would fade away. Until l I started another diet / lifestyle change / wellness journey. And the cycle would start all over again. Does this sound familiar to anyone?

I walked away from diet culture in 2020, with the help of this book on Intuitive Eating. Anyone who has actively rejected western diet culture knows that changing the way you view your body, food and your overall place in society takes time. And so I am still very much in the process of untangling the benefits of exercise for my well being from the need to look a certain way in order to be more acceptable.

In short, for the past couple of years whenever I’d start trying exercise regularly, my lizard brain would be like “She’s Going on A Diet! Cue the binge eating/ self loathing cycle!”

After some big ups and downs, I have finally (I think) landed in a place of peace with exercise and physical activity. I do yoga, talk walks, and occasionally go hiking, because it makes me feel good. After being mostly sedentary during the pandemic, I realized how much better I feel when I get a daily dose of exercise, even if it is just a quick lunch time walk around my office parking lot.

My decision to pick up my yoga practice more formally now was driven 100% by a desire to improve my mental and physical health. I think this is just yet another benefit of moving from Maiden to Mother to Crone. I recognize the beauty and strength of who I am right now, rather than pining for some future version of myself. And for me, returning to the mat is one way I can honor my body and my spirit.

How do you like to take care of yourself?

Hey friends - just a reminder, I am not a licensed clinical anything and I’m just an awesome middle aged mom sharing my own personal story. None of this should be taken as medical advice or suggestions. If you struggle with health issues or are seeking medical advice, please talk with your licensed medical provider.