From Maiden to Mother to Crone

I’ve been thinking about my upcoming birthday (okay, it’s two months away) and the fact that my youngest is going to be a senior in high school this fall. After 27 years, my active parenting days are winding to a close.  And I find myself wondering, what’s next? Who am I, if I am not a full time parent?    

I’m going to be 46 in October. From my vantage point, it’s neither young nor old. In some ways it feels just right. I’m comfortable with myself. I like the person I have become. I have plenty of life experience to instill the right balance of confidence and prudence. 

Biologically though….it feels like a hormonal dance (rave?) is happening inside me.  Just like puberty, when you move from the spring of life into the summer, the move into the autumn of life (aka perimenopause) is marked by a lot of changes that are hard to ignore. 

To put it less poetically, some days I am a hot mess. My uterus has no rules. Mood swings have taken on a whole new meaning. And I could take a nap at any point in the day.  

But even with all the changes afoot, I’m excited. I am ready to leave the Mother phase of life and embrace the Crone (though, can’t we come up with a better name?).  

From Maiden to Mother to Crone 

I jumped from the Maiden to the Mother very quickly when I was 19. There was no time for me to really figure out who I was, before I was tasked with caring for another human being. Now though, the transition from mother to crone is slow and steady and full of discovery. 

I feel like I’m standing at the gate between my younger self and who I am evolving into. Looking back I see a young mom with a baby on her hip and toddler or two in hand. 

Then as a 30-something divorcee, figuring out how to balance work and tweens, and trying to figure out who I am outside of being a mother and (ex)wife. 

To my forties, when grief and loss made their first impactful appearance in my life and I had to grow in ways that hurt beyond words and standing still was too painful. 

To now, standing closer to 50 than 40. Silver threads are beginning to outpace the brunette curls. And the age spots on my cheeks tell the story of 40+ Maine summers. 

I am simultaneously strong and soft. Strong in who I am, what I can handle, what I can give. Soft in the knowledge this journey has not been without its hurt and scars. 

I’ve been thinking about this new stage with a kind of trepidatious delight. I loved having babies and raising kids. Even when it was at its toughest, I could still appreciate the beauty of watching your chicks fly on their own. But now, the promise of freedom from childbearing and active parenting beckons, and for the most part I am ready. 

For me, embracing the transition to Crone is about embracing wisdom. I know enough now (finally) to recognize that I don’t know that much at all. I’m learning to be quiet and really listen for a change. I am happy to slow down. To really look at the world around me, without feeling the weight of it on my shoulders. I’m getting comfortable with letting go of the lifetime of accumulated emotional baggage. Of societal expectations. Of parenting responsibilities. Of pleasing people out of habit. Of always finding fault with myself. 

And I am excited to see the person that emerges in this next phase of life. 

What season of life are you in? What do you love about it? What are you ready to let go of?