How I Deal With Contrast in Life
Hello Friends,
I hope this finds you well and safe wherever you are. The sun is shining here in Maine and the weather finally feels like it is turning. Stubborn ice is slowly giving way to the warming earth and I can feel the release of some of the tension I’ve been carrying around. Life has been full of contrast the last few weeks and I’ve been trying to approach unexpected hurdles with a better attitude. I tend to be a bit of a control freak about my schedule and plans; when these get interrupted I may look cool on the outside, but on the inside I am spiraling like a toddler who needs a nap.
Over the years I’ve gotten a lot better about being less reactionary to unwanted situations and going with the flow of life, instead of fighting it. This has taken a lot of practice and I am still a work in progress. But I’ve found that life is infinitely better if I can keep my thoughts in check and take a beat to assess what is really going on, versus what the hyper-anxious voice in my head is telling me. Yes, I am a joy and delight to be around when the unexpected happens.
When I start to feel overwhelmed by things happening around me, I try to take some time to refocus on my personal goals and general vision for my life - what I want to be, do and have. And how I want to feel in my life. Some might refer to this as the Law of Attraction, or faith, or being in the vortex. I think of it as giving myself a reminder that even if the present moment isn’t great, that it will pass. Good things happen all the time and I am not obligated to carry on in despair just because one area of my life is out of alignment.
Note - this isn’t about being happy all the time or ignoring glaring problems in life. Toxic positivity is just as bad as constant negativity.
When an unwanted situation comes up and there is an immediate action I can take to feel better, I take it. But if the problem is more in my head, like when I start to ruminate about all the things that could go wrong in life, I gently release the worry as much as I can. I get busy with other things and focus my attention on areas that bring me joy. Does this work every time? Absolutely not. Do I still carry around more anxiety than I want to at times? Heck yeah. But I am definitely able to keep a better perspective about what is happening and acknowledge that whatever the problem is, it’s a passing cloud in life and the sky isn’t actually falling. And, as an additional affirmation, I remind myself even if the sky did fall, I am incredibly resourceful and creative and could put it back together in some fashion. ;)
This Week’s Free Printable
All of this pontification about contrast and flowing with life rather than paddling upstream, as Abraham Hicks likes to say, inspired this week’s printable: A day planner that focuses on what you want in life, rather than all the to-dos, must-dos, should-dos that often weigh us down. In our quest to conquer our schedules we often forget about what really lights us up. So, I hope this printable helps you focus on your spark and light in life.
Along with making printables as a distraction from life, I’ve been enjoying a new channel on YouTube - Roaming Wild Rosie. If you have ever dreamed of escaping to the woods and living in a little cabin by yourself, you might like Rosie’s content. She recently purchased a little red cabin in the woods of Sweden and is fixing it up by herself. I found it was the perfect antidote to life at the moment.
I hope that your corner of the world is safe and you are able to take a moment and enjoy the approaching spring equinox and Ostara celebration. I’ll see you next week!
Recommended Reading
8 Things I'm Not Buying in 2022
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My theme for 2022 is Simplify and embrace slow living. Three of my four kids are out of the nest and my youngest is a junior in high school and my years of active parenting are swiftly winding down. To prepare for the next phase of life, I’ve started making some changes including a slow downsizing of all my possessions to make space for new things to come.
Following my January No Spend Challenge, I have a good handle on what I actually need vs things I want. I’ve already spent a good deal of time decluttering and organizing my home, room by room. Out of this exercise I now have a working inventory of things I have, but had kind of forgotten about. And I have a greater awareness of things I tend to buy and never use, like pretty thrifted dishes or things that I already own in plenty, such as notebooks and pens. So.Many.Pens.
As my year of Simplicity continues, I’ve come up with a list of all the things I am not buying in 2002.
Office Supplies
As noted above, I own no less than 50 partially used notebooks, journals and pads of paper. And I have a gazillion pens. These are probably my favorite things to buy and an easy and cheap impulse buy from WalMart. So the deal I made with myself is no new stationary until I’ve used up what I have. Which will most likely get me through 2022 and beyond.
June 2022 Update - Solid Win. I have made my way through about half of my existing stationary. I did purchase a new personal journal from my favorite book press company. Because journaling is an integral part of my self care routine, I do count this as a (very nice) necessity.
Greenwashed Products
I saw an ad for $30 all natural zero waste deodorant. $30?! As the sustainability /zero waste movement gains popularity, marketers are figuring out ways to capitalize on consumers' desire to go green. I think using less chemicals is always a good thing, but I also think that for those of us on budget (like, literally, everyone) the benefits don’t always outweigh the costs. If I really want to try a more natural product, I would rather try making my own first.
June 2022 Update - This is mostly a win. I did purchase some zero waste detergent sheets. These were a bit pricier than buying a jug of traditional laundry detergent, but not having ANY waste felt like a good trade off, as I could compost the cardboard box. As much as I like to think I can just whip all of my own cleaning and beauty products, convenience and saving time is a factor. Plus, I thought these sheets worked just as well, if not better, than traditional detergent.
New Clothes (Fast Fashion)
I’ve gone up and down in weight for the past couple of years. Last year I bought several new outfits from ThredUp, and so this year I really don’t need anything else. My weight has stabilized and even if I go up or down a bit, most of what I own will still fit fine. So, while I enjoy clothes shopping, especially from ThredUp, I am going to try really hard to wear what I have. And if I do decide to purchase some new outfits, I will most likely source them second hand rather than buying from fast fashion brands. If you’re new to ThredUp, here is a post I wrote about how to find the best deals for your size and style.
June 2022 Update - Mostly a win. I have been diligent about wearing what I already own. However, as summer approached and my work went to a hybrid office model, I realized that I needed some better warm weather options. I had lived in yoga pants and my son’s old t-shirts for the past two summers. So I did invest in some new dresses from L.L.Bean (not sponsored, I just really like their summer dresses and #maine). I would have happily purchased these dresses from Thread Up or any other second hand shop, if I could ever find them. But they are next to impossible to find used, because they are so comfortable and are made to last. As with most of LL Bean clothing, I will wear these dresses for the next 4-5 years, so I thought it was worth the investment.
Home Decor
Second to notebooks and pens, home décor is my other favorite shopping hobby. I love scouring thrift stores for unique items I can repurpose or upcycle. And I have this weird obsession with table settings. I love Blue Willow china like it’s one of my kids. But as I prepare for an emptyish nest, I don't need to be bringing in more stuff. I’m more interested in using what I already have to create fresh looks in my home.
June 2022 Update - Solid Win. I have not bought anything - new or used - for my house this year. Plus I managed to declutter A LOT of things over the spring.
Holiday Decor
This past holiday season I only used about a quarter of my holiday decor. Most of it sits collecting dust in the basement. Since this is the second year in a row that I’ve used only a fraction of my holiday decor, I skipped the holiday clearance sales.
June 2022 Update - Let’s be real. Who buys holiday décor in the first half of the year? The real test will come this fall. I will keep you posted.
Wrapping paper
Buying wrapping paper seems really wasteful, given that it can’t always be recycled. So, I’ll use up what I have and then swap to sustainable wrapping like cloth, paper or baskets. I will also repurpose some of my pretty table linens and doilies that rarely get used for gift wrapping.
June 2022 Update - Win. Win. Win. I even upcycled an old atlas into some wrapping paper, after watching this fun video from Rajiv Surendra (he is like the Millennial Martha Stewart). Here are my finished gifts (not as nice as Rajiv’s, but they’ll do).
Greeting cards
I am sensing a theme here - I really love paper products. I have enough Thinking of You cards and Birthday day cards to get me through the next decade.
June 2022 Update. Also a win.
Subscriptions
I’ve already cut some of streaming services, magazines and software I’ll never use. I have a couple of core subscription services like Audible and Canva that I use regularly. But my Microsoft office can go, as can Spotify and my paper magazine subscriptions that I bought when the Pandemic started.
June 2022 Update - Getting there. I have not renewed any subscriptions this year, including some streaming services. Is anyone else on the fence about Netflix?
My no spend challenge is just one way that I try to practice more Intentional/ Slow Living. Grab your free Slow Living Thought List and let me know in the comments or over on Instagram what you are doing to slow down, let go and create a life that you love.
Follow the adventures
10 Ways to Add Slow Living to Your Life
What is Slow Living?
Slow Living is a philosophy that can be adopted to help you live more intentionally and in the present moment. There are different interpretations of slow loving; some people associate slow living with food systems, others use it as a guide for building a greater sense of community. Others use it as a general way of slowing down, doing less, using less in a world that is all about going fast and using more. I cotton to this third idea - embracing a slow day to day life (as much as is possible with a full-time job and family) and finding more purpose and fulfillment.
Slow Living feels like an old friend, ready to have a nice cup of tea and catch up on life.
On a more practical note, slow living is one way to lessen the effects of traditional capitalism and consumerism, as well as lower your environmental footprint. It balks at the idea that new is better and pushes back against aggressive marketing that encourages us to spend, spend, spend.
When you slow down and are mindful about what you bring into your life and how you spend your time, things are made easier. Slow living is also something that can be done in small measures, no matter where you are in life.
Here are 10 Ways to Incorporate Slow Living into Your Life:
Identify how you want to live, rather than what you want to have. I’ve always encouraged my kids to think about the kind of lifestyle they want to have, versus what they want to be when they grow up. What kind of community do you want to live in? How do you want to raise your children (if you decide to have children)? How much do you want to work? What kind of work do you think will make you feel fulfilled? How much money do you need to live the life you want?
Declutter Your Life - both physically and digitally. Decluttering can help you take stock of what you already have and create a calmer space. And since we spend so much of our time tethered to our computers and phones, it makes sense to periodically declutter your digital spaces as well.
Practice Slow Spending/ No spending. If you aren’t familiar with a No-Spend Challenge, it’s a way to save some money AND rethink your spending habits. It’s also a great way to rethink consumerism in general. There is nothing more sustainable than not buying something you don’t need.
Stop Multitasking. 10 years ago, multitasking was all the rage. Employers wanted employees who were nimble and flexible and could do all the things at once. We now know that multitasking actually slows us down and has negative effects on the brain. Instead of trying to do multiple things at once, focus on one activity at a time.
Embrace Delayed Gratification. With the swipe of a credit card you can have anything you want delivered to your house in a matter of minutes, hours or a few day. This has led to a rise in instant gratification. The next time you want to make impulse purchase, sit on it for at least 24 hours. If you still want it the next day, fine. But oftentimes, just waiting a bit allows the urge to pass.
Practice Saying No. The next time someone asks you to do something that you don’t really want to do, practice saying no. Saying no to things that don’t bring you joy or value in your life makes room for the things and experiences that do.
Notice What's Going on Inside. Sometimes we do things out of habit. Meaning, we don’t really think about why we are doing them. This can be true of spending money or watching tv or eating. If you find yourself gravitating toward actions that you know don’t serve you - such as spending money on things you don’t need or mindless eating a carton of ice cream (no judgment here) try taking a minute and think about what you are doing and why you are doing it. Will you feel better afterwards? Much like the idea of delayed gratification, being mindful of your feelings, especially when they are unpleasant, can help you get off autopilot and choose healthier coping skills.
Seek Intentional Joy. Slow living is an opportunity to add some joy into your life. Instead of filling the void with spending money or zoning out in front of a screen, do something that you enjoy or have always wanted to try. This might be starting a new hobby, or making a special dinner for your partner (if you enjoy cooking) or spending some time alone in the woods.
Make Time for Friends and Family. Social connections are hugely important for humans. And yet, we are more isolated than ever. Slow living is an invitation to build or rebuild your community. If it’s been a while since you’ve seen your friends, reach out to them. Make a date for a walk or other easy low cost activity.
Practice Gratitude. In a rushed world it is easy to take things for granted. Setting aside some time each day to take stock of what you are grateful for, can reinforce your happiness and act as a buffer on a bad day.
If you would like to incorporate some Slow Living into your life, here is a free printable to help you get started: