The Joy of Missing Out
This past week the pinks and purples of irises, roses and lupin bid their farewells in my gardens. Now my hillside is in bloom with the tiger lilies and black eyed susan’s, their beautiful orange and gold colors signaling the most subtle shift toward autumn. Even though the heat and humidity of high summer is just now arriving in Maine, there is a sense of urgency to hurry up and enjoy the nice weather while we have it. The Wheel of the Year always seems to turn the fastest in the space between Litha and Lughnasadh.
I love summer, but often wonder if I am not doing it correctly. All my friends - online and IRL - seem to be enjoying an endless array of barbeques and camping trips and summer concerts. Meanwhile, I’m happy to be home, alone, writing, reading or puttering in the garden. I often wonder if I need more friends or need to make more of an effort to be social? I realize that what we see on social media is just a highlight reel of someone’s life, but every summer I still experience a twinge of FOMO. But at the same time, I’ve come to realize that I need a hefty dose of solitude to recharge, and summertime is no exception.
So, imagine my delight when I stumbled across the term JOMO this past weekend. JOMO stands for the Joy of Missing Out and Dictionary.com defines it as:
pleasure derived from living in a quiet or independent way without feeling anxious that one is missing out on exciting or interesting events that may be happening elsewhere
I liked the term so much, I wanted to share it as this week’s printable. I hope you like it!
Just to be clear, I am not a total hermit in the summer. Next week all my chicks are returning to the nest and I am very excited to have us all together again. We will have barbeques and campfires and there may be some singing involved. I’ll also visit the coast again later this month. But the rest of my summer is delightfully plan-less. And that is just fine by me.
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Sneak Peek New 2022-2023 Wheel of the Year Planner
Hello Friends,
I hope this finds you well. How was your Summer Solstice and Litha celebration? As I write this, it is a breezy beautiful morning that feels more like September than June. The trees are dancing wildly, as if excited for the day ahead. A cold snap is headed our way though, so I need to hustle to get out in the garden to do some pruning while the sun is still shining. I am very much a fair-weather gardener.
I left the mountains for the sea yesterday. My daughter and I took a ferry out to one of the island communities that dot Maine’s coast. I had never been on a ferry before. It’s a lovely way to travel - at least in the summer, when it’s all blue skies and ocean breeze. We had a good time exploring the small shops and walking around the different neighborhoods. Wild beach roses and lupin were everywhere, from manicured gardens to cracks in the sidewalk. As the saying goes, Bloom where you are planted.
This week I thought I would update you all on my 8 Things I’m Not Buying in 2022. At the beginning of the year I really wanted to focus on simplifying my life and doing things with more intention, and this no-spend list was sort of the kick off. And six months in, I’m pleased to share that I’ve done quite well. I made a huge dent in my stash of notebooks and other stationery and have not bought one piece of home decor yet this year….you can read the whole updated post here and grab the free Slow Living Thought List.
This week I thought I’d share a sneak peek printable of the upcoming 2022 - 2023 planner. I’ve gone in a kind of Forest Whimsy direction this year. I hope you like this sneak peak Lughnasadh Printable. More to come!
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My Let-It-Go List
This week’s free printable is a new twist on a to-do list: a Let-It-Go List. I use the Let-It-Go method when I start to feel out of alignment with life - stressed, anxious, bummed out - all the fun feelings. Rather than trying to figure out how to do more, or sit around feeling guilty for not doing all the things, I flip my thinking. What am I hanging on to out of habit or guilt? What can I release? How can I make space for the things in life that are really important to me?
I find doing this exercise helps me to let go of a lot of mental clutter, while at the same identifying the areas in my life that bring joy and peace. Because Joy and Peace are kind of my benchmarks of happiness right now. I don’t crave adventure or new experiences at the moment, but rather look forward to savoring simple days and peace and quiet and doing things that put me in a state of happy flow. And often my anxiety and worry are the only things that get in my way.
How I Use My Let-It-Go List
I start with listing out everything that’s on my mind. Sometimes this is a long list, other times there are just a few things I’m thinking about. Either way, I get it all out of my head and onto the paper. The list may include big things like How am I going to pay for my kid’s college? to tiny things like I should really organize my linen closet before family visits next month. (For the record, none of my family have ever commented on the state of my linen closet). In my head though, both of these examples give off the same level of anxiety.
Things I have No Control Over
Once I have my list written down, I identify the things that I have no control over. This could be things like what if I get stuck while traveling in a snowstorm or other weather event? (because = Maine), or what if my kid doesn’t pass their homework in on time and fails a class?, or what I am going to do if there’s a recession and I lose my job? There is absolutely a possibility that all of these things could happen, but there is nothing I can do about them right now. So, I try my best to let it go. There is no sense in dwelling on things that I can’t change, or things that haven’t even happened.
Things Other People Can Do
Next up is identifying things that other people can do. Like many women, I often fall into the trap of “It’s easier/quicker if I do it myself.” But that just means you end up doing everything forever. And probably growing really resentful in the process. If you don’t usually ask others for help, I’d encourage you to start doing so ASAP. Delegation is a skill worth learning. Delegating responsibilities is extremely helpful in my day job as I often end up picking up little tasks that, if left unchecked, will grow into major time sucks. After much practice, I’m now always on the lookout for ways to delegate tasks and ask others for help. At home this means being proactive and asking my family for help with the chores and errands, rather than waiting for them to read my mind or volunteer.
Things That Drain My Energy
If you are spending significant amounts of time on things (or people) that leave you feeling exhausted, resentful, depleted, etc…it’s time to let go. This is often easier said than done. For me, being around negative people who tried to manipulate me and make me feel guilty, became too much to bear. After several big traumas in my life, I finally began setting some personal boundaries. This meant effectively ending or severely limiting relationships with people who I realized just wanted to use me as their emotional dumping ground. I felt really guilty for a bit, but ultimately knew I made the right decision for myself. Also - just a reminder that I am not a therapist or counselor and this is just my example. If you are feeling overwhelmed, a good place to start is by talking with a professional healthcare provider.
Things That Don’t Need to Happen (now or ever)
The final culling is letting go of things that deep down, I know I’m not going to do. At least not anytime soon. This usually includes ticky-tack things like the aforementioned linen closet or organizing the kitchen spice draw. Or it might include longer term projects that have lost steam, such as finishing the family tree I started during Quarantine or hemming that thrifted dress I bought last summer. I may get to these things eventually, but for right now and the foreseeable future, they just aren’t important enough to be taking up any mental space.
Lastly, I think about what I’ll do with the time and energy I save by letting things go. When I clear out my mental clutter I have more energy to devote to passion projects, more time for meaningful connection with family and friends, and the space to just rest, if that is what I feel like doing.
Rather than pushing through a to-do list that is never going to end, letting the unimportant things go can help you make room for bigger and better things in your life.
What are you ready to let go of? Share in the comments or on Instagram @lorri_from_maine
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