How Do You Explain Paganism?

I have a lot of mixed feelings toward organized religion - some of which stem from childhood and some of which are a result of my observations and experiences as an adult. I appreciate all religions and the good they bring to people who follow them - the sense of community and faith and genuine good work that churches, religious groups and devout individuals do every day- but I am also acutely aware of the hypocrisy, strife and hatred that religion brings out in certain people and groups.

Even now, I have a hard time labeling myself as any specific ‘religion’. I have a keen interest in Paganism, but I wouldn’t say I am a Pagan. I mostly identify first as myself, second as a woman, third as a mother, and so on. I could never figure out why we feel the need to label people based on the way they believe in God (or Goddess). Why must we all be put into certain boxes?

But even though I view patriarchal religions with a tinge of suspicion, I have never lost the desire to connect with a higher spiritual power. I tried going to church for a while and felt like a duck out of water. I had no feelings of closeness or peace. I was mostly uncomfortable and kind of bored.

After my father died a decade ago, I spent a lot of time being angry at God. Not just for my father’s premature death from cancer, but at the total absence in my heart of any kind of comfort or solace. The only time I felt any kind of spiritual relief was when I was outside. When I took a walk by myself next to the river near my house, I would finally feel a peace settle over me.

And that is in part what brought me to explore Pagan beliefs and customs.

I love the weaving of nature and the seasons into my life. I know that winter is a time of rest for me, both physically and emotionally. Spring is an awakening and I find myself invigorated to work on household projects, or start new initiatives at my day job. Summer is busy and slow at the same time. I try to get outside as much as possible because in New England nice weather is fleeting. Autumn is my favorite - the end of the Wheel of the Year and a time that I take stock and start thinking about the new year ahead.

I believe that even though many of us are far removed from living by seasons, like they did in ancient times, the seasons can still help guide and direct us to better things.

So, I may not be a text book Pagan practitioner (what does that even look like?) but I think I do well enough.

What about you? How did you discover the Wheel of the Year and the Pagan sabbats? How do you follow these beliefs and rituals in your own life? And do you even feel like you aren’t pagan-enough? I’d love to hear your thoughts!