This post may include affiliate links* and I may earn a small commission from qualifying purchases. Mabon House only features products that I use myself or that I believe my readers would enjoy. Thank you!

Our values serve as the guiding principles that shape your beliefs, behaviors, and decisions. To live with intention and build a life that feels purposeful, it’s important that you understand what your values are. Figuring out what you value in life will help you to discern the kind of life you want to cultivate, while also being realistic about your actions. It's easy to set goals or desire things that align with societal values but may not necessarily support the life you truly want to have. Following societal values can inadvertently steer individuals towards the wrong career or the wrong partner, making life more challenging than necessary. By acknowledging personal values, you can make choices that will help you build a life of purpose and joy, as well as make you more resilient in the face of challenges.

What Are Values, Exactly?

Values, in essence, are your fundamental beliefs and principles that serve as a guiding force for your attitudes, behaviors, and decisions. They act as a compass, helping you navigate through life and make choices aligned with what you deem important. Your values encompass a broad spectrum, ranging from moral and ethical beliefs to personal and social principles.

These core values play a pivotal role in shaping your perception of right and wrong, influencing your priorities, and contributing to the formation of your identity. Deeply rooted and influenced by factors like culture, family upbringing, personal experiences, and societal norms, your values act as a foundation upon which you build the life you want to lead.

Understanding your values is crucial for living authentically and intentionally, allowing you to make decisions that resonate with your beliefs and contribute to a purposeful life. They are an integral part of who you are and guide you in navigating the complexities of the world around you.

Raising children helped me to identify many of my core values. As a single mom working full time, it was important for me to have quality time with my kids. This meant prioritizing a career that kept me close to home, over more lucrative corporate options that would have required a two hour daily commute. For me, the 10 hours saved a week from not having to commute was more important than earning a higher salary.

Values Can Change Over Time

As you move through the various phases of life, your values naturally undergo shifts and transformations. In your youth, priorities may center around exploration, independence, and personal freedom. Transitioning to adulthood, responsibilities, relationships, and career aspirations can reshape the importance you place on different values. Parenthood might introduce a heightened emphasis on family, security, and stability. Experiences, cultural exposure, and evolving perspectives may lead to a reevaluation and adjustment of your values. Life's challenges and successes also play a crucial role in shaping the principles that guide your decision-making. Recognizing and embracing these shifts contribute to a more nuanced understanding of yourself and can improve your adaptability as you navigate changes in your life.

Sometimes negative experiences help shape our values

Growing up in a chaotic home where we sometimes had money and sometimes did not, I’ve learned the value of financial stability. Even though I didn’t make a ton of money when my kids were younger, I was (and am) very good with my finances. I prioritize savings first, and can always stretch what’s left in my checking account til the end of the month. That’s not to say it was always easy. I definitely had a good amount of mom guilt that I wasn’t taking my kids on vacation to Disney or buying them all the newest electronics. But there was no way I could do those things without going into debt or being late on my bills. Because I was clear about my financial goals and the value of stability associated with them, it was easier to make hard decisions. I was never really tempted to overspend and this allowed me to build meaningful memories without compromising my financial stability.

Rejecting Society's Values

Society and culture play an important part in shaping our values. Traditional Western values like marriage, higher education, and earning a lot of money are what often drive our decision making. But when you take time to think about what kind of life you really want, you may find that your values don’t always align with the majority.

I found that the pressure to get married again after divorce was Intense. I don’t know why. I obviously wasn’t very good at being married the first time. But my friends and family thought I should get married again ASAP. For a while, this emphasis on being married in order to be whole left me feeling confused and a little depressed. I have a wonderful partner whom I’ve never lived with, never co-parented with, and never mingled finances with. We keep completely separate lives and are only together because we want to be together. We take turns staying at each other's houses and spend holidays together. But during the normal 9 - 5 week, we don’t see each other much. We both value our independence and our alone time. When I finally accepted the fact that I really didn’t want to get married again - at least not while my kids were still at home, I felt much lighter. I value the love and connection I have with my partner, regardless if we check society’s box of acceptable relationships.

Choose Values for Growth, Not Validation

Pursuing education or career paths for personal growth, not external validation, is an example of understanding that personal fulfillment comes from within. This involves aligning life choices with intrinsic values and avoiding the pitfalls of seeking validation solely from external sources. I call this the “It Looks Good On Paper” trap. Have you ever met someone who chose a career because it paid it a lot and/or is considered prestigious? And they hate their job? Perhaps it’s a misalignment in their values, or they truly do value money and titles over general happiness. For me, I value building community through my work. I would never feel truly fulfilled in a business - corporate setting that was focused on profits over people, no matter how much it paid.

Prioritizing Mental Health and Work-Life Balance

Another important value for me is taking care of myself. It is so easy to push our health to the back burner, because our day jobs become all consuming. Avoiding excessive dedication to work at the expense of my mental and physical health reflects my recognition of the importance of work-life balance.

Balancing Your Values with Reality

As you examine your personal values, resist the urge to create an idealized version of your life — a "Perfect You." Idealization may lead to an exhaustive list of improvements and experiences that may not be realistically achievable. In the age of information overload, focus on what truly matters and identify realistic actions for your day-to-day life.

Finding Authenticity in Decisions

Understanding and living by your values is not about creating an unattainable ideal. It's about embracing the authenticity of your decisions, making choices aligned with your beliefs, and finding fulfillment in the midst of life's complexities. Reflect on the real-life examples shared, and consider how your values shape your decisions, relationships, and overall sense of purpose. By staying true to yourself, you pave the way for a life that authentically reflects your values and brings lasting satisfaction.

Do you have a set of core values that help guide your life?